Because it needs to be said

Again and again and again.

The rampant cases of sexual abuse in our country is a very close topic to my heart. I feel it is the preference of most people to look at the issue with glazed eyes and then turn away. No one wants to talk about it. No one wants to deal with it. We just want it to go away. It doesn’t work like that. I don’t have any magical solutions but I know it needs to be talked about in order for any type of headway to be made. With that being said here is an article that is both disgusting in its implications but not shocking to me in any way.

Within the article, a lawyer mentions that she believes there is at least one sexual abuse perpetrator in every school. I don’t doubt that for a second. In fact, I believe she is probably being conservative.

In my own town there is a case from a 72 year old retired teacher that is now being accused of multiple cases of past abuse both in the Tri-Cities and in Seattle.

I think that what is most important to keep in mind is that we only ever see a very small tip of the ice-berg when it comes to viewing the vast scope of abuse that is occurring. As far as the media goes, we are only seeing large public cases, not the ones kept under wraps with settlements and cover ups. Even more so, we don’t see the unnumbered cases that never go reported to anyone. They are kept within the victim and left to fester. We hope that the festering results only in hardship for the victim to recover from but unfortunately, far too often, the victim later become the perpetrator. Perhaps not abusing his/her victims in the same way they were harmed but taking the shape of other forms. I am reminded of that depression commercial that plays on the TV. Who does depression hurt? Everyone. It is the same with abuse. It has a trickle down effect that will magnify itself in many ways. Damaged relationships with family, spouse, peers and friends, lack of appropriate boundaries with children, compensating behavior, etc.

We plan on homeschooling. Not necessarily for this reason all though it certainly is a contributing factor but in reality schools aren’t the beast of this problem. We could home-school all children and this would still be taking place.

I don’t know what the solution is. I know that what we are doing now isn’t working, that is for sure. I also know I want stricter penalties and public penalties at that. None of this right of privacy crap.

I think if one thing could be done to help cure this epidemic it would be for mother and fathers to bond better with their children in infancy. To establish that firm attachment that is needed in those vital first few years. It sounds naive and far too simple but really I think it ultimately boils down to unfulfilled needs that were never met. Not to say this directly leads people to be abusive but I believe that this lack of appropriate attachment manifests itself in our society in many untold ways. If you’ve never read it I highly recommend reading The Continuum Concept (a separate post will be written about this later).



  1. Beth · November 6, 2007

    I think there are two kinda of families. There are the ones who know what is going on in their kids lives and interact with them and there are the ones who don;t know/care.

    I had a mom who asked me, growing up, several times, if anyone had touched me. It wasn’t an off limits topic of that dark “secret” – and she taught me about my body and that it was ok to keep my body to myself.

  2. massageforfamilies · October 26, 2007

    I have not yet read CC, but have been aware of it’s existence for a few years now (I keep coming up with other things to read first…*sigh*). May I also recommend Gordon Neufeld ( along the lines of attachments within the family and children being in right-relationship with their parents. I’m just now starting on one of Brazelton’s books and am tickled with the preface already.

    Also, The Swimsuit Lesson is a way to broach the subject of inapporpriate touching.

    Infant massage can also be a means for parents to provide safe touch for their children and help their children clue into what is inappropriate by the respect and honor shown by their parents. If that bond is continued throughout the child’s development the level of trust ought to still be in place that if anything inappropriate or shifty did occur they’d be more likely to let the parent know.

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